Who Wants to Be a Millionaire Super Sized!
by Segekihei
Summary: It's Who Wants to Be a Millionaire -- with smashers. This won't end well...episode two updated!
1. Episode 1! Let's start the Insanity!

Who Wants to Be a Millionare -- Super Sized!  
by Michael Segekihei  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own SSBM, WWTBAM, ABC, Syndication, or much else, for that matter. I own me, though. YOU CAN'T TAKE THAT AWAY FROM ME! ...Ahem. Also, the co-host is a fictional character. Any resemblance to a real person, living or dead, is probably sub-consiously activated.  
  
A/N: It's another fic from .Seg Inc, and this one is inspired by Ultimate TH. Where she is, we may never know. But she made one damn good fic.  
  
---===~~~===---  
  
(An empty stage. It's set up like the WWTBAM? stage. Use your imagination. Suddenly, the entire stage moves downward. It falls out of view like a piece of paper falling. The camera now shows the exact same stage, except with the Fastest Finger seats filled by contestants. The host is standing in the middle. He's in a generic navy blue T-shirt, blue jeans, and black Sketchers shoes. He has his trademark Nintendo GameCube watch on his wrist and is in his teens.)  
  
Michael Segekihei (Michael): I was wondering how long we could do that.  
  
(The co-host walks out from behind him. She's got a white T-shirt, blue jeans, and white Nike sneakers.)  
  
Lisa Mokai (Lisa): (clicks a button on a stopwatch) 3 hours, 14 minutes, and 42 seconds.  
  
Michael: Thank you Ms. Punctual.  
  
Lisa: You're welcome Mr...um...  
  
Michael: Anyway...we're here to present to you, loyal viewers--  
  
Lisa: WHERE THE HELL WERE YOU ON RACE TO THE LINE?  
  
Michael: --the following show, called Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?!  
  
Lisa: The writing department had their pay docked for unoriginality, don't worry!  
  
(The writing department enters, stage left)  
  
Writing Department: You what?  
  
Michael: Docked your pay. Didn't you see the memo?  
  
Writing Department: No, we didn't write it!  
  
All but Writing Department: (sweatdrop)  
  
Michael: ...get out.  
  
(The writing department runs away in cowardice.)  
  
Michael: So let's meet our ten contestants.  
  
(Speakers blare and spotlights raise)  
  
Contestant: (says something garbled in Japanese)  
  
Lisa: (shoves Michael and angrily whispers to him) You hired him?!  
  
Michael: (whispering back) Well, you try getting ten smashers!  
  
Lisa: (still whispering) There's twenty-five of them!  
  
Michael: (STILL whispering) ...shut up! (out loud) Anyway, our first contestant is Marth, from Altea!  
  
Marth: (laughs, then speaks Japanese)  
  
Lisa: (sigh) At LEAST have someone translate for him!  
  
Michael: That's why our next contestant is here! Please welcome Mewtwo, from the Unknown Dungeon.  
  
(Generic canned applause from the cardboard cutouts that are the audience.)  
  
Mewtwo: Silence.  
  
(The applause stops.)  
  
Lisa: (whispering) How'd you get him on the show?  
  
Michael: (whispering) Simple. I caught him.  
  
Mewtwo: I go to the Unknown Dungeon for five minutes and I get shoved into a tiny little ball!  
  
Lisa: (whispering) Lucky catch.  
  
Mewtwo: I heard that.  
  
Lisa: What're you gonna do about it, cat?  
  
Michael: (holds forehead) Oh no...  
  
Mewtwo: (deathly serious) What did you say?  
  
Michael: (still holding forehead) Run, Lisa!  
  
Mewtwo: You. Will. Be. Sorry.  
  
Michael: (walks over to the camera and pokes a button)  
  
Camera: (goes black)  
  
(The screen cuts to a white screen that says "Technical Diffuculties" with a little Mario running around with a wrench and bubbles coming out of his head. A small caption at the bottom says "Copyright 2002 Ultimate TH".)  
  
Computerized Voice: We are experiencing technical difficulties--actually, we're experiencing problems with our rating! We can't show you the fight, or we'd lose our PG rat--  
  
(The screen cuts back to normal.)  
  
Mewtwo: (lying twitching in a heap)  
  
Lisa: (rubs her hands together, as if wiping off some dust) Who's next?  
  
Michael: (shocked)  
  
Marth: (shocked)  
  
Contestants 3 through 10: (shocked)  
  
Michael: Umm...let's move on.  
  
Mewtwo: (magically gets better and returns to his podium)  
  
Michael: Contestant three is Kirby from Popstar!  
  
Kirby: Hungry...  
  
Lisa: (throws him a cooler full of assorted food stuffs)  
  
Kirby: FOOD!!!  
  
Michael: All right, he's satisfied and probably quiet for a while. Next is Mario, from Mushroom Kingdom!  
  
Mario: (zoning out) a-hehehehehe.  
  
Michael: Ladies and gentlemen, Mushroom Kingdom's king.  
  
Lisa: And Mushroom Kingdom's prince, Luigi!  
  
Luigi: (zoning out) a-hehehehehe.  
  
Mario and Luigi: (zoning out) a-hehehehehe.  
  
Michael: It's going to be a long day.  
  
Lisa: Ten days. We're taping ten episodes and then if G4 renews us, we'll be doing more.  
  
Michael: ...wait, G4?  
  
(Pause. The G4 logo appears in the bottom right corner. Everyone looks at the network slug in surprise.)  
  
Michael: That's...weird.  
  
(Lisa pokes the slug.)  
  
Slug: Ow!  
  
Lisa: oO  
  
Michael: Umm...next is number six, Link from Hyrule!  
  
Link: (smiles, and thousands of pieces of paper are thrown at him)  
  
Lisa: What are all those papers?  
  
Michael: Animal Crossing trading codes.  
  
Link: (reads one) Y9#NdyOkgASUaa  
Sf8Oksb@WNgufP for a Jersey Barrier?  
  
(A/N: The above code was from www.projecthyrule.com. It'll only work if your name is Link and your town is Hyrule. Now gimme my endorsement money!)  
  
Michael: Moving along, number seven is Zelda, from Hyrule!  
  
Zelda: (smiles and gets nothing thrown at her; instead, more papers are thrown at Link)  
  
Link: $i(| |)/-\\/\/gZ! L33T!  
  
Lisa: (pauses, and smacks Link)  
  
Link: Sorry Dawg.  
  
Lisa: (smacks Link)  
  
Link: $i(|--  
  
Michael: You must have found an on/off switch! (smacks Link)  
  
Link: Sorry Dawg.  
  
Lisa: You think everyone has one of those?  
  
Michael: (smacks Lisa)  
  
Lisa: |)/-\\/\/g, \/\/|_|ZZ/-\--  
  
Michael: (smacks Lisa)  
  
Lisa: Hey, it works! If only everyone on GameFAQs had one of those...  
  
Michael: Even if they did, how would we hit it?  
  
Zelda: A large extension pole?  
  
Michael: (gives Zelda a badge saying "Ms. Obvious") Congradulations.  
  
Zelda: Oh, than--(reads the badge) Hey!  
  
Michael: Next is number eight, Fox from his Arwing.  
  
Fox: Buh-zap buh-zap!  
  
Lisa: What in the hell are you doing?  
  
Fox: Trying to kill Falco.  
  
Michael: ...  
  
Lisa: Falco isn't here, Fox. (Idiot.)  
  
Fox: NO! HE'S RIGHT THERE! (sucks thumb)  
  
Michael: ...oookay let's move on. Number nine is Captain Falcon, from...wherever the hell he's from!  
  
C. Falcon: Show me a movie!  
  
Michael: ...oookay let's move on. Finally, number ten is--  
  
Bowser: Me!  
  
Lisa: (throws microphone at him)  
  
Bowser: (falls backwards)  
  
Michael: (slips Lisa a twenty) Thank you. Now, let's play...  
  
Michael and Lisa: Who Wants to Be a Millionaire!  
  
(Speakers blare and spotlights go up)  
  
Fox: Aaah!  
  
Michael: Here is your fastest finger question...  
  
List the following numbers in order from smallest to largest.  
A. 656  
B. 8349  
C. -464  
D. 1  
  
(Everyone starts pushing buttons and generic music plays.)  
  
Lisa: Okay, time is up! The correct order is...  
  
C. -464  
D. 1  
A. 656  
B. 8349  
  
And the contestant who got it right first is...  
  
(Zelda, Mewtwo, Kirby, and Marth's names are highlighted with Mewtwo's being the fastest.)  
  
Michael: Mewtwo!  
  
(Mewtwo teleports to the hotseat.)  
  
Mewtwo: B. C. B. D. D. A. A. D. C. A. B. A. B. A. B. Can I go now?  
  
Michael: (looks at the questions)  
  
Lisa: (looks over his shoulder)  
  
Michael: (throws the cards over his shoulder) Well, we're cutting taping short today!  
  
Lisa: (cards fly in her face) Hey!  
  
Michael: (gives the $1,000,000 check to Mewtwo) Well, enjoy.  
  
Mewtwo: (sarcastic) I will.  
  
Lisa: Wait! (grabs Mewtwo)  
  
Mewtwo: Get off me.  
  
Lisa: We need you to translate for us.  
  
Mewtwo: Translate who?  
  
(The following is in rapid fire whip pan camera shots)  
  
Marth: (Japanese)  
  
Mario: a-hehehehehe  
  
Luigi: a-hehehehehe  
  
C. Falcon: Show me a poo!  
  
Fox: Buh-zap!  
  
Mewtwo: I see your point.  
  
(End rapid fire.)  
  
Michael: Okay! (drags in a new chair for Mewtwo in addition to the two host chairs and the hot seat)  
  
(buzzer sounds)  
  
Lisa: Oh, and that's all the time for today. What a shame! Anyway, we'll see you next week on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire!  
  
Mario: a-heheheI DOhehe.  
  
Luigi: a-heheheME TOOhehe.  
  
Mewtwo: Idiots.  
  
---===~~~===---  
  
So, what did you think? Review me...pleeeease! They power my house! And it's cold outside! It's freezing!!! (ahem) Thank you. 


	2. Episode 2! Let's continue the Insanity!

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire -- Super Sized!  
  
A/N: Wow, people actually reviewed! I can't believe somebody actually gave a damn about it! Party! ... Well, no party. But chips...chips are good.  
  
Well, Mewtwo is still around. Here we go.  
  
DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING! ... jerk lawyers...  
  
---===~~~===---  
  
Michael: Hey everyone! We're here! AND ALIVE!  
  
Lisa: You're grateful for the small things.  
  
Michael: Oh no, if we weren't alive, we'd be unable to do ANYTHING AT ALL!  
  
Mario: a-hehehehehe.  
  
Mewtwo: Idiots.  
  
Michael: I have a feeling that Mewtwo is going to be here for a while. Mario--  
  
Luigi: a-hehehehehe.  
  
Michael: --and Luigi--  
  
C. Falcon: MOVES! L33T SP33K!  
  
Lisa: (smacks C. Falcon)  
  
C. Falcon: Apoligies, Ms. Mokai. I do hope I haven't insulted you or your co-host in any way. (kisses her hand gentlemen-like)  
  
Lisa: (pauses, smacks C. Falcon twice)  
  
C. Falcon: Sorry.  
  
Michael: --okay, not C. Falcon--will be a while until they get up here.  
  
Kirby: (finishes the food from earlier) I'm hungry!  
  
Marth: (Japanese)  
  
Lisa: Translation, Mewtwo?  
  
Mewtwo: "The ceiling is green, but blue and purple! I like to eat cheese."  
  
Michael: You're weird, Marth...  
  
Zelda: I'm scared of getting stupid from them...  
  
Michael: Y'know, let's just go to the Fastest Finger.  
  
Lisa: Put these letters in the correct order:  
  
A. A B. B C. C D. D  
  
(Everyone smacks buttons...with their hands, or with their heads [Mario and Luigi])  
  
Michael: I hope someone gets this right...  
  
Lisa: Nobody can get this wrong.  
  
(The list of completed times includes Zelda and C. Falcon...aaand that's all. The fastest time belongs to C. Falcon.)  
  
All but C. Falcon: (shocked)  
  
C. Falcon: (walks up to hotseat and sits)  
  
Lisa: (smacks C. Falcon)  
  
C. Falcon: L33T! A!  
  
Michael: Wow, he answered the first question semi-intelligently.  
  
Lisa: (checks question) What is your name? A. Mr. Fred B. Captain Falcon C. Dog D. Monkey.  
  
Michael: Well, looks like we have another short tape day again!  
  
C. Falcon: Buh?  
  
Lisa: C. Falcon leaves with absolutely nothing.  
  
C. Falcon: Buh?  
  
Michael: That's nice. (pulls lever)  
  
C. Falcon: (drops through trap hole dumping him into a big pit)  
  
Mewtwo: Can it be a big pit of his worse fear?  
  
Lisa: Sure. (presses button)  
  
C. Falcon: (from inside pit) AAA! NO MEDIA CAMERAS!  
  
Michael: That's the biggest word he's said all day.  
  
(buzzer sounds)  
  
Fox: BUZZ!!! NOO!  
  
Lisa: That's all the time we have. I'm Lisa Mokai...  
  
Michael: I'm Michael Segekihei...  
  
Mewtwo: (stares with his eyes slightly blue)  
  
Mario: (staring into dead air)  
  
Luigi: (staring into dead air)  
  
Michael: Mewtwo, stop controlling Mario and Luigi.  
  
Mewtwo: (stops the staring) I was controlling Link. Mario and Luigi are naturally staring in a stupid fashion. They're idiots, what do you expect?  
  
Lisa: Ah. See you next time on Who Wants to Be a Millionaire!  
  
---===~~~===---  
  
It sucked, right? I knew it! 


End file.
